The Anxiety of Healing

In the process of going through a diagnosis there are a lot of emotions that you go through.

Then you move onto the the treatment phase with even more emotions ... but what about in the healing stage.

In the past 7 or 8 months that I have found a sense of relief from my symptoms and I've began to experience a sense of normalcy in my day to day life.

This is good right?

Everyday I count my blessings, but there is also a dark side to healing.

For 10 years I have carried a little bag of anxiety around with me.

Daily, I would be reminded of it. I learned tactics to deal with that anxiety and part of that was changing my personality. I became less social, less willing to try new things, and basically found the comfort of my home to be safe.

Now I have been finding an urge to go outside of my comfort zone and push myself back to who I was 10 years ago - the fear of what that looks like, and what parts of "sick and scared Julie" come along with that has been on my mind. But the desire to live life to the fullest has be a strong emotion through the healing process.

As a fitness instructor I work with a lot of people who are "getting back to the gym after an injury" and they are in the healing process... feeling better but also struggling with not being in the same place they were before that injury.

I'm learning everyday that even though someone is healed... doesn't mean that there still isn't a long road ahead.

-j